By Diane J.

New Year's

'Tis the season for the number one New Year's Resolution: to lose weight. More than 76 million Americans end the holiday season resolving to lose weight. The health clubs will be packed with people re-dedicating themselves to the stairmaster; magazines will be full of articles on how to lose weight; TV commercials will be hawking many weight loss products.

Yet, despite this national level of resolve with all its commercial support, most people do not succeed in losing weight. Why?

Attitude, Not Diet

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One explanation: the New Year's Resolution approach is about dieting, and losing weight is not about dieting. As I see it, it's more about attitude and sense of self.

As with many adults, my weight sometimes fluctuates. And like many, my range of fluctuation has been about 20 pounds. In my case, this means a range of 138 to 158 pounds. (I imagine that many of us have range numbers that end in 8 or 9?)

Define Happiness

When I'm in the high end of my range, my sense of self is different than it is when I'm at the low end of my range. Am I happier when I weigh more, or when I weigh less? It depends on how you define happiness. The 150+ pound me is more content; the 140 pound me is more pleased with myself.

When I'm gaining weight I feel more carefree. When I'm losing weight or maintaining my weight, I feel fit, healthy, attractive and in control. I also find that with each of these feelings, I have a different attitude and sense of self.

Let me first note that the 158-pound me is not pleased. That is my upper limit and, outside of pregnancy, I have never crossed the 160-pound threshold, so the alarms are going off. This is when I need to find that part of me that has a different self-identity, the one that is less content and more demanding of me.

Gaining Weight is Fun

But on the road up to 158 pounds, say at 152 pounds, I'm often quite satisfied with myself and life in general. I'm enjoying food with abandon. I'm eating dessert, I'm sharing in the birthday cake at the kids' parties, I'm enjoying stout beer, I'm having seconds, I'm eating the food off my kids' plates (wouldn't want to waste!), I'm joining the kids in a corn dog lunch. And the little voice inside me is saying: "Isn't it natural to gain a little weight as we get older? I'm a confident, accomplished mother in her forties; I don't need to be slender to feel good about myself." And I do feel content with myself. As a mother. As a woman in her forties.

This is fun while it lasts, but then I discover another voice inside of me, and this is the one that expects more from me. More discipline. Greater health and fitness. More beauty. This is the voice that wants to feel good about myself, not in terms of complacently resigning myself to my status as a mother in her forties, but as the slender, fit, disciplined woman that I am. And that's when I'm ready to stop being so carefree and content. I'm ready to stop eating corn dogs.

The Voice that Cares

When I weigh 140, I feel more connected to the person I was when I was younger. I feel I'm on the right path for the future. I'm pleased when I look in the mirror, when my "skinny" clothes don't just fit but feel comfortable, when I get compliments on my appearance. I feel good about my body, the power I have, and my self-control. I feel good about myself, and this is the version of happiness I ultimately require.

Let me say it again: I find another voice inside of me. The one that cares.

Resolve Comes From Within

The resolve to lose weight comes only from within. It won't come from Jenny Craig ads, it won't come from looking at Vogue magazine, and it won't come with the arrival of January 1.

Something more personal will trigger the real resolution.

Often that comes in the form of looking in the mirror. Or at a photo of yourself. And when that personal experience hits, you have a powerful moment where you discover -- or no longer suppress - that voice deep within that truly wants to look and feel better, and is ready to take control.

Taking Control

The ads from Jenny Craig, the fashion magazines, New Year's Day -- maybe even this website and this article -- will collectively create some form of influence if not impetus, but ultimately, the resolve comes from deep within.

So if you are joining the millions of Americans who are resolving to lose weight in the new year, think about what the real resolution is. It's not as much about diet and exercise as it is thinking positively about yourself, taking control, and being the person you want to be.

And Now, Back to the New Year's Resolution

As for me, I'll have a couple of pounds to shed in the next month, thanks to egg nog, chocolates, and homemade Italian cookies, but I don't think of my weight loss in terms of a resolution. For me, it's the natural cycle of the holidays and I know that I'll be back squarely at 140 by February.

My annual resolution: to be a more prompt individual. Now if I could just apply my principles of weight discipline to those of time management...